You Are More Than Your Job Title

It's time to CELEBRATE!!!! Today is the day my book, The Empowered Educator, launches!

I talk about how identity bias  fuels burnout, a personal reset that forced me to ask who I am beyond my roles, and one micro shift you can try today to bring back joy. 

Once you have your book in your hands, or maybe you're listening to it, take a photo and tag me on Instagram @jenrafferty_. 

Let’s keep the conversation going! Find me at: empowerededucator.com

Get the book at: empowerededucator.com/book

Instagram: @jenrafferty_

Facebook: Empowered Educator Faculty Room

Transcript

The Hidden Weight Teachers Carry

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You became a teacher to make a difference, and you do, every day, but nobody told you about the weight you'd carry home. The kids you can't stop thinking about, that feeling that giving everything still isn't enough. And the quiet question underneath it all, how long can I keep doing this? So you're in the right place. This is Unlock Your Teaching Potential, and I'm your host, Dr. Jen Rafferty, educator, author, mom of two, and founder of Empowered Educator. And here we believe that taking care of yourself is the most generous thing you can do for your students. You are a gift to this world, and it's time to act accordingly. So let's dig in.

Launch Day And The Book Journey

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Hello and welcome back to the show. It is August 4th, which means it is launch day for my book, The Empowered Educator: 10 Lessons to Prevent Burnout, Reclaim Your Joy, and Unlock Your Teaching Potential. And I am so excited to get this book out into the world finally. It has been just about a three-year process from start to finish when I first got really serious about this idea of writing a book to now, today, where it is out in the world everywhere, where books are sold. And the audiobook, which I got to record myself earlier this year, and that was a blast. And truly, it's one of those pinch me moments where something that started off as an idea is now this big, beautiful reality. And I can't tell you how many times people have told me things like, I really would love to write a book, but I don't know where to start, or I want to do this big, bold, audacious thing, and I'm I don't know if I'm the right person. I am here to tell you that yes, you are the right person, and there is no time like the present. Just start something. And the truth is you have no idea what the ripple effect is going to be once you start getting to work on it. You know, this idea didn't start with a guaranteed relationship with Penguin Random House. It happened a little by little. And it was committing to myself, committing to this dream and this vision that I had and the impact that I wanted to make through Empowered Educator and the world that I see beyond the current state of things. I truly believe that there is a version of education that starts with educator well-being at the heart of it, so that we can at the very least be regulated enough to meet our kids when they need us the most and to advocate for ourselves and for them, especially now when the stakes are high. So today I'm going to take you through one of the parts of the book that really speak to some of the journey as to why I wrote this book and how I was able to do it. And of course, leave you at the end with a micro shift that you can do right away that will help you bridge the gap between who you are and who you want to be. Because at the end of the day, that's what we do for our kids too, right? We're not just teaching them curriculum, we're helping them see a version of themselves that exists beyond what is happening right now so they can continue to grow into themselves. And that doesn't stop once we become adults. That doesn't stop once we're in the role that we're in as educators. In fact, it needs to keep going in a way that feels exciting and healthy and productive and in community so that we continue to grow as professionals, as individuals, and within all of the other roles that we play throughout our lives.

Identity Bias And Why It Exists

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So in chapter five, I talk about the identity bias, which is a way for your ego to feel safe. And remember, back in the days that we were hunting and gathering and being chased by bears, belonging wasn't optional. It was actually a matter of survival because community meant protection, it meant food and safety, and isolation meant pretty much imminent death. And so knowing who you were as an individual opened the door for you to associate with people who are familiar and therefore safe. But since we're no longer living in those kinds of communal caves, this idea of identity bias plays out a little bit differently. And so think about this. Often when I ask teachers to tell me about themselves, their responses are usually pretty consistent. I am a teacher is often the first thing that comes out of their mouths, and it's followed by something like, well, I'm a mom, or I'm a dad, or I'm married, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister. But all of those answers are roles that we play or jobs or positions that we have. And these parts that we play aren't actually who we really are. Who we truly are exists underneath and above and beyond all of those roles. And this is really important to understand because when we become too attached to a particular role or a piece of our identity, we actually set ourselves up for a ton of emotional turbulence and pain when things don't go according to our plans. I can remember very specifically the time where I could see and observe this identity lens for myself. And this was when I really attribute this time of my life to the start of this new chapter of who I am today. So

Divorce Pandemic And Losing Old Labels

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back in December of 2019, I was teaching middle school choir and high school modern band at my district in central New York. And I thought I was killing it. I was doing all of the right things. I had great programs, and things at home were really not great. I was struggling with my marriage. And right before Christmas of that year, my husband and I decided we were going to get a divorce. And I ended up moving out of my house with my two kids, who were five and seven at the time. The same weekend, the world shut down in March of 2020. And it this was hard for everybody, of course. And there was some pretty special sauce happening at the Rafferty household that weekend. But as far as my identity, you know, everything I thought I was the day before, all of a sudden I wasn't. You know, I was no longer living in my house that I had been living in. I was no longer a wife. I was no longer teaching music the way I had always been teaching it. And if you remember at that time, singing itself was considered to be very dangerous. And yes, of course, I was still a mom, but I didn't want to lead with that. And this all came to a head when I decided to stay home that semester in the fall of 2020 to homeschool my kids and start my PhD. And the professor in that very first class said, Introduce yourself. And everyone in that space was introducing themselves by relation to their spouse, to their job, or to their kids. And I remember sitting at my keyboard hysterical because I was thinking to myself, I don't, I don't know who I am without all of those things. And like I said, of course I was still a mom, but I didn't feel that that was taking up my whole identity, nor did I want that to be. So who was I when I was just Jen? And that question led me down one of the most beautiful rabbit holes I've been down. And frankly, I'm still down that rabbit hole of self-discovery and figuring out who am I? Who am I changing into? Where am I evolving to? Who do I get to be in this world? And those have become really exciting questions that have led me to incredible things, including writing this book. Because the truth is, when we become too attached to the stories around our identities, we completely lose the ability to step back and see situations objectively or opportunities objectively, and we can only frame things through that small narrow lens, and it's really hard to let go.

Impermanence And The Sand Grip Metaphor

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But what I know to be true is that when you hold on to your identities loosely, it's a really invaluable practice for your whole life. Because even if you are holding on to your identity as being a teacher, one day, even if it's far in the future, you probably won't be teaching anymore. Who you are right now gets to be temporary, and your identity is always shifting. Impermanence is the nature of existence. And that can feel pretty uncomfortable to look at head on. But we know this to be true. We see impermanence all of the time. For example, it's the kids who pile into our classrooms on the first day of school. These are wildly different kids than the ones who leave you at the end of the school year for summer break. We are all works in progress. And the more you try to hold on to any fixed idea about yourself or your life, the harder it becomes to create meaningful change and the more frustrated you'll feel. And while our ego wants us to cling desperately to the things that we think will keep us safe, like our identities that we're so attached to, is that we can say, well, this is the way it's always been and this is just who I am. But what happens is we tighten our grip and it often leaves us with nothing to hold on to at all. So think about this. When you're at the beach and you try to take a fistful of sand, you can't hold it. The harder you squeeze, the more it flows from your fingertips. But if you hold your hands gently, relaxed but firm, you can cup some sand for a little while. And it's the same thing for the roles that we play. When we learn to hold these identities more loosely, there's fluidity and change and possibility. And that's the key. There's possibility all of a sudden. Because we're no longer clinging and holding on to who we used to be. We're letting our grip go just a little bit to create room and possibility for who we get to become. So your

Micro Shift List Ten Joys

SPEAKER_00 11:14

micro shift for today is to come up with a list of 10 things that have nothing to do with work that make you really happy. And this can be a really fun, easy experiment. So if you're having trouble coming up with 10, don't worry about it. Come back to it later and make sure you get your 10. Might take you a couple days, but make sure you get those 10. And when you're feeling locked in to a certain role that you're playing or a certain part of your identity, take out that list and do one of the things that are on there. And that will start to loosen that grip and allow for some possibility of these other things in your life that bring you joy.

Celebrate The Book And Stay Connected

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So as we're closing out for today, make sure you celebrate with me and get your copy of the Empowered Educator 10 Lessons to Prevent Burnout, Reclaim Your Joy, and Unlock Your Teaching Potential at EmpoweredEducator.com/slash book or wherever books are sold. I want to celebrate with you. So once you have your book in hands, or maybe you're listening to it, take a photo and tag me on Instagram at jenrafferty underscore. Let me know what you think of it. Let me know what your thoughts are as you're reading these chapters. I'll be answering questions and responding to your comments on this podcast. So send your comments and your questions to hello at empowerededucator.com. And of course, if today's episode really gave you something to sit with, leave a review so more teachers can find this podcast. And of course, subscribe so you never miss an episode. And remember, you are a gift to this world. So act accordingly.